ATTENTION STEPMANIA PLAYERS

http://dee.manbow.org/foonmix/

THIS WILL BE THE BEST 500 MEGABYTES YOU’LL EVER DOWNLOAD.

My god. This is an entire Stepmania mix, with awesome music (by popular Japanese amateur musicians), awesome steps (full SP and DP with beginner and challenge), fun nonstop and challenge courses, ITS OWN SKIN AND SYSTEM MUSIC, VIDEOS IN THE BACKGROUND FOR EACH SONG, augh. I mean, this completely blows in the groove out of the water. And it’s free, too!

Further boring stuff

Almasy Marquis: Do you enjoy living life the way that you do? It would seem like if I were to take your description of what you do at face value, then your life is generally bleh and you’d off yourself if you didn’t think there’d be any consequences, but from what I know of you seem to enjoy yourself most of the time, especially given your propensity not to really care what others think of you.
JeffreyAtW: No, I don’t really enjoy my life the way it is, but I don’t really see how it could be much better.
JeffreyAtW: Everything I do is by choice and my choices have led me here. I don’t see what could really improve my view of life and mortality in general.
JeffreyAtW: I already realize that life is worth living because there are people who I care about and people who care about me
JeffreyAtW: Sure, I find enjoyable things to do with my time
Almasy Marquis: FFXI =P
JeffreyAtW: I guess that overall I’m disappointed and bored, and I wish there was more to do. Maybe pursuing a more active, diverse lifestyle could change this.
JeffreyAtW: Like, going out and doing more adventurous things, more physical things… I don’t know if that’s really within my reach at this time.
JeffreyAtW: Maybe I just need to find a girlfriend.
JeffreyAtW: A girlfriend would do a few things
JeffreyAtW: Mentally numb me
JeffreyAtW: That is, I would care for her so much that I’d spend a lot less time thinking about myself
JeffreyAtW: And I’d get rather caught up and in a state of nigh-euphoria where I “love life,” etc.
JeffreyAtW: That would be really great.
JeffreyAtW: And of course, there are other things to attend to. I miss hugs and just being close to someone.
JeffreyAtW: The thing that turns me off about having a girlfriend is that people feel as if they have to be emotionally and intellectually closer to them than other people –
JeffreyAtW: That is, they’d share only the deepest, darkest secrets with their significant others… that is…
JeffreyAtW: Until they break up and feel totally shattered over spilling one’s life aspirations out to someone else.
JeffreyAtW: So that’s why I’m very open to many people. I don’t like to hold things in.
JeffreyAtW: Besides, I’ve even TRIED doing this with previous girlfriends of mine and they really don’t care, or they don’t understand.
Almasy Marquis: That’s one main reason I’ve never really looked for a significant other
JeffreyAtW: I have found myself semi-“shattered” before, because I devoted so much time and attention to girlfriends in the past
JeffreyAtW: And then they’re like let’s be friends okay here’s some other guy *fuckfuckfuckfuck*
JeffreyAtW: So yeah, you could say I’m disenchanted.
Almasy Marquis: I wish I had some kind of helpful, ‘well, do this’ thing since I like being helpful but nothing really specific springs to mind.
JeffreyAtW: I don’t want help. I’ve come to accept this and I don’t think anyone could really “change my mind” from what I see as the evident truth.
JeffreyAtW: Obviously another relationship could come along that could end up with different results. And maybe I SHOULD fuel some effort toward doing something like that
Almasy Marquis: Well, it’s the truth as it is now, but thinking that there’s no real way to significantly improve the enjoyment of your life through ways that aren’t superficial is stupid
Almasy Marquis: Maybe a relationship, maybe even just some other personal long-term project,\
JeffreyAtW: Yeah, exactly.
JeffreyAtW: The thing is, I really have no problem with personal superficiality
JeffreyAtW: I just have to achieve superficiality through some means of enjoyable, wholesome activity
JeffreyAtW: Something that will simply keep my mind off boredom and death.
Almasy Marquis: I guess that’s why I feel the need to poke and prod at you about it, then. It doesn’t seem right that one so self-aware and reasonably intelligent as yourself should be as complacent as that.
JeffreyAtW: Yeah. All I’m really doing is feeling sorry for myself because I’m not doing anything to change my lifestyle.
JeffreyAtW: But the observations I make about life and its meaning are totally true.
JeffreyAtW: The more I want people and the more I feel wanted, the more reason there is for me to live.
JeffreyAtW: So I should seek that out – the more ties I make, the better my life will be.

Hi

I guess it’s been a good few weeks since I’ve made a nice, juicy, meaty, bloody, undercooked post so I guess I will. Not a lot’s happened. Less than usual, even. I guess that’s what I’ll talk about.

I truly look forward to this summer. School isn’t overly stressful or difficult at all – in fact, I somewhat enjoy my three classes (writing, music, Asian art history) – but I want a good excuse to get out of my dorm room and do more stuff. Socially and physically, this year’s been hard on me.

Yeah, I still do enjoy FFXI a lot. The game doesn’t get any less fun since as I become stronger, more opportunities open up to me. But to try to maintain some balance, I’ve attempted composing some music or drawing some comic stuff, but to no avail. It’s just not coming out. No matter how much I enjoy FFXI, there are often times that I wish this phase would end, simply because I’m at a creative loss. I’m sure all my friends back at home will interpret this as “look, Jeffrey really wants to stop playing FFXI because it’s sapping his creativity,” but no, you’re wrong. All I’m saying is that I’ve noticed how little I’ve accomplished over this past quarter simply because I’ve been playing FFXI. That’s all.

Ugh. Anyway, I’ve been sick this last week, and it hasn’t really made me feel any better about my overall situation. I’ve gone through headaches, never-ending snot rivers, eye-aches, insomnia, sore throats, the works. A few of my friends here have helped me out with NyQuil and stuff. Good times.

Another thing I feel sorta crappy about is, yeah, Fanime. It’s started today, and like I decided a few months ago, I’m not going. It’s mostly because Fred Gallagher will be there, and the surrounding fandom will probably be too much to bear. There are Megatokyo fans here at Porter college, and they’re SCARY. I also don’t want to go since I have finals soon and it’s hard to find a ride up to the bay area… but both of those things aren’t really too important. Ron is going, anyway.

But after all this nay-saying and being stupid about Fanime, I all of a sudden want to go, since everyone at home has finally decided to jump the bandwagon and hang out there. But I’ll be stuck here. Damn UCSC for not already being out… for serious. Oh well, I can get more progress in FFXI. :P

Hmm… what else is going on. I’m becoming increasingly more angry, vocal, and emotional about the happenings overseas in Iraq. There’s pending draft legislation, there is humiliation and torture being caused by U.S. troops (call me a simpleton for not expecting this sort of behavior), Israel continues to bomb the living hell out of Palestine for no good reason, etc. etc. etc. I’m just so glad I can vote. I say that if you don’t vote while eligible, you shouldn’t really be entitled to an opinion. Sure, like boycotting the electoral system is going to do anyone any good.

Oh yeah, getting back to summer plans. I still don’t know if I have an internship at Sun Microsystems or not. After they laid off a giant chunk of their work force, my interview was all but called off… and then ever since then, there have been more and more rays of hope as to whether I’d get a position over the summer. The start of my supposed internship is only a few weeks away, and I still don’t know. I have no idea what I will do this summer if I don’t get this job. I seriously need a job. I have no money at all.

The last full week of classes is over and I hope to go with my Porter friend Jeff to a comedy show at Kresge later tonight. I hope I have enough money in my wallet to go. Maybe I’ll borrow some… I don’t know.

I think that’s enough despair-drenched dronings for one day.

If you’re “xstraightxedgex,” I really hate you a lot.

If you don’t do drugs because you’ve made a conscious decision not to, I salute you.

Allergies.

I never used to have allergies. In fact, my entire immune system – in fact, my entire bodily system – has been graced with the best luck. I’ve really never experienced any common “irregularity,” like cavities, broken bones, ADD-type mental disorders, or any real sort of disease besides the common cold… but finally someone up there decided to give me an actual taste of everyday life and gave me allergies a few years ago.

So no matter where I am – which means, my room most of the time – I get mad sniffles, yo. The past week has been slightly uncomfortable. My parents are sending me some prescription medicine… that was left over from last year.

But these past few nights have been slightly less than bearable. It’s a hot day, I get into bed, I seem to fall asleep for about an hour, and then I start having really weird lucid dreams… and of course, they’ve all been about FFXI so far. Like, I’m in some area of the game and everyone’s chatting to me and I see all these people running around and a whole bunch of other FFXI-related stuff is going on really rapidly, and then I keep waking up. The fact that I have a runny nose gets incorporated into these dreams, and so much stuff is running through my head that after an hour or two of nonstop bombardment of FFXI-related thoughts, I get up (this is about 4:00 in the morning), get my robe on, go take a shower, clear out my sinuses, and get back into bed… and in another half an hour or so, I’m asleep.

Yeah. It’s almost to the point of delirium. I get into bed and my mind starts racing, and it doesn’t stop for hours. Could this be from playing FFXI? I doubt it. I think it’s allergies. But so far all I’m dreaming about is FFXI, but I think it’s just because I’m playing it so much. I’d probably be dreaming about something else if I wasn’t playing, like Ian Jones-Quartey’s mom or something because he called me a nerd. :(

But seriously folks, I just can’t wait until that allergy medicine arrives so I can get some real sleep…

Mind dump! No coherency here.

I just watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the Movie for the first time, and I really enjoyed it. It was shown out in the lower quad at Porter College, which is simply a big square of grass, with the video being projected on the side of a classroom building. We moved couches from the Fireside Lounge out to watch in style under teh starz. Its total cheesiness, 80’s soundtrack, and calls back to ANCIENT JAPAN LIKE 10 YEARS AGO were so awesome and it was great and I liked it.

There’s not too much to blog about since all I’m doing is FFXI. It’s a really big part of my life now. Seriously, this isn’t a bad thing! I’m still hanging out with my friends at every meal and meals take like an hour so that’s still plenty hangings-out and FFXI is becoming more fun, and fun’s what matters, and what’s more, I’m scheduling my time well. I know when I can’t start a party on FFXI because I don’t have enough time, so I do something like cooking or selling stuff on the auction house, etc. The fact that I’m alotting time for in-game activities gives me the ability to schedule time for homework and studying as well. It’s actually helping my schoolwork. I know I’m obsessed, you don’t have to rub it in, but seriously, I’m enjoying myself.

I’ve had some pretty interesting run-ins with different personalities in the game. First of all, there are two people I’ve met who are like, the white supremacist type – you mention something like “gay” or whatever and then they go off on how homosexuality is a disease and they feel sorry for me knowing those kinds of people. After a while they shut up and we can go back to playing the game, but still, it’s pretty scary knowing that there are those kinds of people in your “vicinity” when you’re playing. I guess one thing that makes this community unique is that your beliefs don’t totally affect who you are and with whom you do things.

Besides, I was doing a PvP match once and I got to set this one homo-hatin’ guy on fire and watch him die.

There are also people that I constantly run into and happen to share a lot in common with. There’s this one girl who I often run into, and whenever we see each other, we stop and ask how each other is doing. Just today I was on my mule (named Sagus – because Greg Dean’s Sagus is on another server) and she /telled me wondering if I was a mule or not, and she freaked out when she found out it was me. It was really awesome. It got us talking about our interests and beliefs and stuff. Even with such a feel of anonymity in the community where all you have is a character name, it’s so cool that you can meet people like this.

BTW, read these two essays I wrote about FFXI for my writing class. Yeah, my writing class is about communities, and I can actually write about FFXI for a grade. It’s awesome. I posted these on the FFXI community on LiveJournal. The first is eh, the second is pretty good, I’ve rewritten the first one, and I’m in the process of writing a third.

Essay #1
Essay #2

Feel free to leave comments about them.
Also, some funny screenshots:
http://www.livejournal.com/community/finalfantasy11/548730.html

I mentioned an internship position I landed at Sun over the summer, but I’m going to back that down to a “possible” position. Sun laid off 9% of their workforce and all future internship plans were cancelled, and that had me pretty bummed, but now things might be changing for the better. My dad tells me I have over a 50% of getting the position of the summer, and just that makes me happy.

I probably have a lot more to write about, but my attention span is gone. I want to play some FFXI… and listen to music by Porter students. There’s an iTunes shared library just for that! Yeah bye.