I shouldn’t be laughing at this, but it’s time for Mario is Stoned‘s

MISSING CHILDREN PHOTO EXTRAVAGANZATM!
This is where I find pictures of kids on the internet that have been gone for 5 or more years. Using the FASCINATING technology of “age-progressed photos,” the police have released photos of what the kids probably look like now. This method involves taking the head of some older kid and putting the missing kid’s face on it. By the way, you may be very offended by this cruel form of, uh, cruelness, so why don’t you start off at Cliff Yablonski or Fat Chicks in Party Hats to laugh at people who are actually safe at home eating their asses off.

Let’s look at Wisconsin’s current list.
Good face reconstruction… FOR ME TO POOP ON
Um, although she’s DEAD, she might or might not be wearing glasses.
It’s MISPLACED FACE ON NEAR-BALD HEAD GIRL FROM “GEEN BAY!”
Anyone with the same dopey hairstyle and goofy grin should be questioned immediately.
I’ve already run out of snappy comments.

And now for MissingKids.com
Aheha. I think the eyes were taken from the Microsoft Clip Art Gallery.
DON’T STARE INTO THE EYES
Which one would look more like Margaret Thatcher with any more progression?
I wonder what “give up” means.
She’s not age-progressed, but either way she’s the most pleasing to look at.

I should have planned this better. I’ve already run out of really good photos, but those terribly done jobs should tide you over for a while (except for that last one, which should tide you over for a while anyway).

…God, I’m an awful person.

Oh, by the way – this is a note for James – I found a DDR machine on fourth street it’s in the wonderfully titled “SPACE PORT 1 THAT IS RAD TO THE MAX”… or something. Believe it or not, it was established in the 80’s. But, I can see the DDR machine from the street, but I don’t know how much it costs because my dad won’t let me play it until I get better grades (uh, okay). But it’s THERE! You don’t have to ask for directions, because I’ll post the obscure directions here for no one but you to understand!

It’s on the opposite side of the street from Bananas At Large. It’s really close to Pier 6 Chinese Food, where we ate. Um, if you don’t know where either of those are, it’s on the opposite side from Double Rainbow, and WAY up the street. Just look for a dumb name and stupid paintings of spaceships out front.

Well, I got my dad to watch Metropolis with me. What probably persuaded him was the four stars that Ebert gave it (Ebert likes anime), and the quote on the back of the DVD case by James Cameron, calling it the “new milestone in anime.” Or maybe he just wanted to be a good dad… ugh.

Well, Metropolis is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It’s created by Tezuka, Written by Otomo, and directed by Rintaro. What does that mean? Well, it means it’s got do be damn WONDERFUL. While it’s the most cartoony and simple things I’ve ever seen, it’s also the deepest and best animes I’ve ever seen. It’s… like… really hard to explain.

Metropolis is a four-layered city. At the bottom are robots who work on powering the city. On the level above that are the slums, where revolutionaries live. Above that are the bourgeois, in a city much like ours today. On the surface level is the model town of Metropolis, with giant buildings and the “Ziggurat,” a giant tower acting as a direct reference to the Bible (Babel Tower). Seems like any other four-layered city you might think of, right?

The characters are very, very cartoony. They don’t look like any other anime characters I’ve ever seen. They’ve got big noses, giant moustaches, they’re all super-deformed with short legs, and they all speak in a cartoony voice (both dubbed and Japanese). More like Warner Brothers characters, or something. But they’ve still got a lot of depth.

The main generic good-guy Tezuka character, Kenichi, accompanies his uncle from Japan to Metropolis, where they’re investigating a crime. Kenichi finds himself stuck with a half-human, half-robot creation that, unbeknownst to him or the robot, is destined to rule the world through the Ziggurat. All they care about is their survival, as they’re chased around by Rock, an orhpan child of the Duke of Metropolis, who keeps chasing after them and trying to shoot them. Even with these odd characters, everything in the film is just rather wonderful.

Oh yes, and the music added a lot to the movie, too. Actually, at times, it defined whole scenes. Most of the movie was accompanied by 20’s flapper swing dance whatever tunes, making Metropolis feel even more like the “big city.” And if you watch it, just wait until you see the placement of “I Can’t Stop Loving You.” I won’t give much away… but just think of the ending of Dr. Strangelove.

I’m currently showing Jin-Roh at my school, borrowing the DVD player from my generous dad, and Metropolis will be next. Since Metropolis barely has any Japanese feel to it, it’ll be a great way to end the school year (even though there will probably be time to show some more stuff afterwards). I actually planned to invite all of my friends to go see Metropolis in theaters, but it went out of theaters the day that we planned the party. Well, I finally got it, and Ebert and Cameron are right.

Speaking about chocolate mints, here are some wacky directions that came with them. Watch as I MST the passage.

Go ahead, enjoy a special moment
…Ah, that was fun. Now I can start eating the mints.

Indulge yourself with rich, smooth chocolate, kissed by a refreshing breath of cool mint.

If I’ve been breathing on people my whole life, does that entail I’ve been kissing them?

Its unique square shape fits perfectly in your mouth.

Yeah, seeing that my mouth is square-shaped, and one of these mints is big enough to fill every crevice in it.

Feel it glide across your tongue and glide back again.

Wow, it eliminates all friction imposed by my tongue altogether! And don’t forget to make it glide back. That last part is important because it’s italicized!

Now, just sit back, relax, and enjoy your smooth, chocolate mint experience.

Uh oh… that’s where I break the law. I’m eating a mint as I’m typing this. Is multitasking not part of my smooth chocolate mint experience? Oh dear!

Welcome to Velamints.
Oh no… does this mean I’ve joined a cult?

Experience a world of smoothness in a little chocolate mint.
It fills my mouth, it’s as big as a world, it’s little… I’d tell the writer to make up his mind, but it DOES qualify as Engrish, so I’ll let it pass.

Ah… MSTing brings back memories. Not that I am or ever was good at it.

All right then… you can still see the Pants Trance Dance if you missed it. I actually made that a long time ago and had to restrain myself from showing anyone. It was hard. Well, actually, the people of Bouncy Fish took a peek at it, but I should let them brag about it. And James saw it too. Whatever.

Before I start on my obligatory Chemical Brothers/Sasha/Digweed/Paul Oakenfold/Pete Tong concert recap, let me give you a short summary of my fellow travelers:
James – It’s James! He’s mellow, tall, looks nerdy (w/ glasses and freckles), stutters, and runs really fast. He owns the Midgar Swamp.
Felix – A British ladies’ man born on the same day as I was. Known in my inner circle as the “other guy” from Midgard Supposedly gets a lot of tail.
Steve – Currently in a Matrix phase, Steve came to the concert dressed as a mix of Neo and Max Payne. Of course, he always dresses like that.

Now let’s see. We all met at San Rafael High School (our rival high school) where James was kicking ass in a track meet. Steve, Felix and I exchanged numbers since we all brought cell phones and PDA’s, being the major techies we are. James got 5th or something in the 2-mile, and we were on our way.

After eating crap at McDonald’s (which I haven’t done in years), we arrived at the Cow Palace. We didn’t have to wait on any big lines, but they had a hell of a time searching Steve since he was wearing a leather trenchcoat. No cameras, cigarettes, or of course drugs were allowed in the Cow Palace, but that didn’t stop anyone from bringing them in and using them in front of the security guards all night.

This was my first electronica concert, so I didn’t know what to expect. What it turned out to be was a giant rave, with your run-of-the-mill candy raverZ with their beaded necklaces, tank-tops (men too), and pacifiers. And yes, they asked us a lot for water. We stuck together pretty much the whole night, and sometimes went up into the bleachers to rest our legs. We didn’t dance, per se, but we jumped and shouted when we needed to. Steve stayed on the dance floor pretty much all night, so my cell phone came into use when I had to call him from the bleachers (not that we could hear each other).

And the music? Pretty damn good the whole way through. The concert was from 7 PM to 2 AM, and we were there for 5 out of those 7 hours, so I believe we may have missed Sasha and Digweed. But we did see the Chemical Brothers put on one fantabulous performance. At one time, James and I got up to the very front of the crowd to watch the current DJ do his duty. I think that at this time, James was completely stoned from some second hand smoke of some powerful marijuana, because he kept asking me where everyone else was. He’ll argue this as he has been doing, but still I think that some of the drug usage there influenced him. I believe this concert was to signify the end of all the artists’ tours, so the Chemical Brothers went all out with a light show, great mixes of their songs, and one wild crowd. Paul “Perfecto” Oakenfold came up afterwards, and he… uh… sucked. He didn’t mix his own music most of the time, and his lightshow consisted of some music video repeating itself in the background. His performance drove us to shout “Oakenfold, show us your titties!” and then to leave. Well, it was time to go anyway.

As my first rave, it was pretty damn fun. And I got home before 2 AM so I’m not completely tired today. This day being the first day that I wear shorts.

Speaking about today, I bought Metropolis, and chocolate mints. I plan to watch Metropolis, and eat the mints. Not the other way around if there’s any confusion.


Yes, I actually wore this to school today. And yes, I got lots of dirty looks from nonbelievers. And yes, almost all of my posters were RIPPED DOWN. (All they did was promote universal love and peace with the message “HAPPY PANTS DAY!!!”… jeez!) But I still had fun today. In this picture, I’m wearing four, count ’em, FOUR pairs of pants. And the buttons, commissioned by my friend 80’s Guy, say “Happy Pants Day.”
Axer got himself some space in this blog for showing me Raver Pants. I’ll be sure to sing this to and from the event we’re going to today.

I mentioned it before, but James, Steve, Felix and I are going to

A RAAAVE…
HOPING HIS PANTS WILL BEHAAAVE…
AND HE’S GONNA DANC–

…er, sorry. We’re going to a giant mufukkin’ concert at the San Francisco Cow Palace with the Chemical Brothers, Sasha, John Digweed, Paul Oakenfold, Pete Tong, and more. It’ll be amazing if no one dies. I gotta give a shout out to James’s mom (Word to your mother!) for offering to drive us in both directions. I guess she’s glad that we (at least I) paid her back $40 for going to this thing. Yes, it’s rather expensive to see these guys. But it’ll be worth it. It’ll be THE PANTS TRANCE DANCE.

Oh yes, and other people did pants things as well. My friend Jeff wore a Levis Hard Jeans shirt and crossed out “Hard Jeans” and wrote PANTS on the shirt for some reason. And he wore pants with buttons all over them. And my friend Simeon wore two pairs of pants (but that’s because he’s a big fellow, and the first ones have a rip in them, so he has pants under them). And even though 80’s Guy didn’t wear pants, he gets credit for making me those Pants Day buttons.

What did YOU do on pants day?

PANTS

Yes, friends, it’s Pants Day! Because of this, I give you an extra click to get into the main page, and a smaller webcam! Celebrate the joy!

Tomorrow morning… uh, that is… THIS MORNING, I will be trotting around school with multiple pairs of pants on! How fun fun!

Uh, yeah, I’m bored, so it’s time to go to sleep. Yup.

Since I made it tonight for an upcoming internship position, I thought I might as well put up my resume for people to gawk and gaze at. For the full effect, download the Silkscreen font (or Mini7 font), as the titles are typed in that font. It’s that “mini-type” font that’s become popular on the net… it’s eye-catching. Also, what do you think of my color scheme on the resume? I sure do like blue…

Although barely anyone who hears my MIDIs on the net know who really made them, it’s always good to come across my work being put to use.

I guess my FFX Piano Theme MIDI was needed so badly before the game came out that some fool put it up as a converted MP3 on KaZaA. Without knowing it, I had it on my drive for a while. (I know it’s mine because it’s got the same imperfections). So if you’re bored, you may be able to find my piano version converted by some person. It’s called “Nubuo Uetmatsu – Final Fantasy X Intro Theme” (and remember to mispell Uematsu’s name… whoever converted it was illiterate). Although I don’t mind that my work is so popular without my having proper praise for it, I’m glad that I copyright my work and give each MIDI a signature so no one else can take credit for it. (I enjoy hunting down those who do.)

Yet again…

FRIDAY
APRIL 26

is
NATIONAL PANTS DAY.

I’ll be in #rpgcomics on server deepthought.nightstar.net tomorrow on April 25 for the Grand Countdown at 11:59.
Then everyone will put ON their pants (or two) and celebrate the glory of PANTS!

There’ll be a surprise on the site on Friday.