Speaking about chocolate mints, here are some wacky directions that came with them. Watch as I MST the passage.

Go ahead, enjoy a special moment
…Ah, that was fun. Now I can start eating the mints.

Indulge yourself with rich, smooth chocolate, kissed by a refreshing breath of cool mint.

If I’ve been breathing on people my whole life, does that entail I’ve been kissing them?

Its unique square shape fits perfectly in your mouth.

Yeah, seeing that my mouth is square-shaped, and one of these mints is big enough to fill every crevice in it.

Feel it glide across your tongue and glide back again.

Wow, it eliminates all friction imposed by my tongue altogether! And don’t forget to make it glide back. That last part is important because it’s italicized!

Now, just sit back, relax, and enjoy your smooth, chocolate mint experience.

Uh oh… that’s where I break the law. I’m eating a mint as I’m typing this. Is multitasking not part of my smooth chocolate mint experience? Oh dear!

Welcome to Velamints.
Oh no… does this mean I’ve joined a cult?

Experience a world of smoothness in a little chocolate mint.
It fills my mouth, it’s as big as a world, it’s little… I’d tell the writer to make up his mind, but it DOES qualify as Engrish, so I’ll let it pass.

Ah… MSTing brings back memories. Not that I am or ever was good at it.

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