Selfishness

Sophie told me a few days ago that Bryan does not intend to drive people around like I do once the school year starts and I move away to UCSC. It interested me – I mean, I can totally see his point, and obviously everyone who starts driving isn’t as enthusiastic about it as I was…

Even before I started CAR, the feeling always lingered in the back of my head that I wouldn’t be liked as much if I didn’t drive people around all the time. I restate: I DO like driving people around. It makes me happy to know that people are getting to where they have to go, and I get to spend more time with them, even if it is just in my car. But still, there are those that seem to take advantage of it.

Conrad, for example. He’s a really nice guy and he’s great to talk to. I’ve had some amazing conversations with him and we’ve done a lot together. But from time to time he’s tried to reach me and basically get me out of my way so I can drive him somewhere. Like a few nights ago – I was driving with Sophie around San Francisco and Conrad calls up, wanting me to “hang out” back in San Rafael, and sooner or later he gets to the point that there’s no one there to drive him home. That made me feel kinda bad. My company, insight, or personal presence wasn’t really needed – it was just my driver’s lisence and luck that my dad didn’t sell his old car and gave it to me instead.

On the other hand, the reason I was out that night in San Francisco was because Sophie was sorta stuck at Annie’s in Point Richmond for the whole evening with nothing to do. So I crossed two bridges that night to drive her around, and take her to BATS, and stop off at RTA, and pick up food at Denny’s. But what I did was more than just transportation – I provided company. I felt needed because I was an actual human being that could be talked to and understood.

My social status has changed over the past few years, and definitely for the better, but I still feel like I’m only accepted because of the work I put into providing services for people. I ran the DDR club, and I got a lot of people interested in DDR as my friends. I drove people around at the Oasis, and I was accepted into the social scene there because I could lend a hand with my car. Almost everyone that I hang out with nowadays spends so much time with me because I’m the chaperone. Because that’s my main contribution, people feel as if they can’t confide in me as much, because I’m just a driver.

What I envy of people like Sophie or Lauren is that they are good people to confide in. I’ve heard of several people having their problems solved simply through nice, long conversations with them. I just wish that more people would talk to me about their actual feelings and thoughts rather than just their interests.

‘Course, there are some barriers that keep people from doing that with me. James can attest to that. He’s talked to me over the years about his dilemmas and emotional states, and although I’ve listened well and given him some concrete advice, I think I was too hard on him. It was my jesting nature that really kicked in – I had minutes of entertainment going “haha, James, you suck because you have problems.” That sort of negative reinforcement isn’t as effective, but it worked one way or another. Basically, James wouldn’t recommend me after what I have or haven’t helped him with.

I think I should simply be more social. Go up to more people, on or offline, and just ask them how they’re feeling. If they’re anything like me, they might just open up and a nice, solid, meaningful conversation might ensue.

Ancestry

And with that, a less analytical and more social blog!

What’s everyone’s ancestry? I’m curious. These things interest me.

My last name is Faden, which is German. My ancestry is 3rd generation American, and from there I have ancestors in Russia, Germany, and Poland. My mom’s mom is from Austria, though.

Meanie

I live my life by one given: life is good.

It’s because I have nothing else to believe in. I’ve come to my own terms revolving around just that thing – there is no God, there is no need for hope, nor is there a need for fear, but you can still live your life to the fullest without these things.

If I were to throw this one rule away, I might as well end my life, as there seriously is no need for me to live it, besides offering my presence to other people and making them feel good about themselves and the world around them – and in turn, they do the same thing, making my life worthwhile.

But there’s as much reason to be nice to people as there is reason to be mean to people. Let’s say that you live by the rule, “MY life is good.” This way, you can better yourself by putting down other people, and it would not go against your morals. And of course you can still get friends by being mean to everyone. If you don’t believe me, look at any elementary school gang of bullies. The leader of the group is looked up to because he’s the meanest.

Let’s get into specifics, and by this I mean, taking random internet people’s everyday lives and putting them into philisophical perspective, or analyzing what thoughts probably do not go through their heads on an everyday basis.

How about “flamers,” or arrogant people who post on message boards and chatrooms and other internet media to say something mean just because they can. It gets out any frustration, it puts down others, and it gets them a lot of attention. There is nothing wrong with it, unless someone else’s morals are comprised.

My point is really obvious – there are moral differences with people who like being “mean” and people who like being “nice.” But since that really is the only difference, why is there anything wrong with being either of them? Just because I choose to be nice and not to inflict unnecessary pain on others doesn’t really mean I’m right.

*cue rambling about how nothing is really “right” anyway, although that’s the point*

I'm Not Very Likeable

I finally got my computer from Steve yesterday. I sorta had to take it from him with the DVD drivers not fully installed, but at this point I really don’t give a damn. The suppliers from which he bought the case, processor, and motherboard, STILL haven’t delivered those parts, so he put together a loaner for me until they arrive. Hence, my previous subject line: buy from Dell. I was deliberating over build-your-own vs. company manufacturing, and the time and stress that it takes waiting for your own computer is not worth the $200 saved. The reason I was pissed off earlier was because Steve said he’d have the computer for me the day before AND the morning that I posted it, and instead, he disappeared off to the Renaissance Faire. So I followed his golden rule of “you want something done, do it yourself” and installed the rest of the drivers, the soon-to-be-Linux partition, and all my software myself.

Saturday night was a really stupid DDR tourney at Pleasanton Q-Zar. The atmosphere was nice, and the Extreme and 5th Mix machines they had there were beest qualluhtyyy, but I didn’t drive an hour to see this guy, who was banned from the DDR Freak community, make a mockery of what some people might take more seriously. I mean, it cost to enter the tournament anyway, so the least we could do was get some accurate (and timely) judging. At least we got a free game of Q-Zar laser tag afterwards (after Sophie, Annie, and I snuck in :P).

Sunday was spent stressing over my computer arriving, and then cooling off for the rest of the day and moving all of my files and programs over. I even got to spend some time playing Priston Tale, a free MMORPG. That’s sorta fun-like.

Today, my sister and I met up at the mall with James, where I was to then pick up a girl who’s visiting from England. The whole premise was pretty weird – my mom was at a party and must have mentioned that I play DDR, then the people who threw the party said that their daughter plays DDR, and then my mom suggested I invite her for a few games. Well as I thought, the girl, Carrie, had only played it once or twice, but it was nice to get to know someone new. I told her about events like Oasis Fridays and the like, which make Marin less boring.

The amazing thing about LiveJournal is that it’s a place for attention. You get a lot of people “subscribing” to your journal and they have to read what you want them all to hear. Yet it’s not like you’ll usually get useful feedback from those who read it. Someone on LJ once said to me “sympathize, don’t criticize,” and I think that’s completely wrong. You won’t get ANYWHERE without criticism, or as I like to call it, analysis and suggestions. If you write posts that get replies like “it’s okay, we’re all here for you, everything’s going to be okay,” does that really help the state you’re in in the long run?

BUY FROM DELL

Yesterday was stupid.

Today is stupider.

More details when I’m not totally pissed off.

EDIT: Special LiveJournal feature! I’ve added my first “current mood” just so those who aren’t literate can see straight up that I’m “pissed off” and then they can post some goddamn stupid comment like “>_>;; i know how u feel *huggz*”

Trip Five

The past two days were spent doing money-conserving activities and I had myself a lort of funners.

Joe was a really good pal and offered the lot of us a free showing of Pirates of the Caribbean at the Metreon. So since the movie was free, the money was instead spent parking and playing really expensive DDR. It was worth it, though – the company was pleasing and the movie was astounding. The action sequences in the movie conveyed a sort of fun, exhilarating feel, unlike the forces scenes in movies like the Matrix, where the choreography and cinematography was simply enjoyable. And because it was Disney, it wasn’t any more violent or brutal than it had to be.

After the movie I decided to stick around for dinner, which meant picking up some KFC. We stopped off at Grace’s house, where she packed her things to go… uh, wherever with her friend George for the next few days. But her first stop was Chris’s house, as was mine.

What started off as a low-key, small “get drunk” gathering pretty much stayed its course, yet I found myself drinking nothing, and it didn’t look like anyone else was too depressed, or too smashed. Although we pretty much just slept at Chris’s, woke up, and left, it seemed like there was value to it. We had a good time watching some late-night Comedy Central, and fell asleep surprisingly early. Above anything else, a relatively big amount of sleep was worth mentioning at Chris’s grandpa’s apartment.

The rest of that day was spent fulfilling responsibilities, like going to the gym without really having to – that is, without a scheduled trainer appointment, working a whole lot on my website jobs (which are becoming really difficult because I have to move this one guy’s site off Homestead, which is impossible), and driving Lily places.

And now I forgot that I was supposed to make some extra dough through helping Brad pack. D’oh to no dough.

So the next morning I arose bright and early to accompany my dad to Milpitas, where he attended the first Sun Microsystems employee party in a few years (things are finally looking up). He dropped me off at Golfland. It’s been 12 years since I was last at Golfland. What I remember of it mostly is the SegaSonic Arcade game, with Ray the Squirrel and Iforgothisname the Armadillo… but it wasn’t there anymore.

In its place: DDR 4th+, DDRMAX2, DDR Extreme, DDR Disney, GuitarFreaks, GF9, DrumMania8, KeyboardMania5, Hiphopmania CM2, and ParaPara Paradise 2. I was only there for about two hours, but in a cheap, well-kept, well-ventilated, friendly place like this, I had one hell of a good time. But that’s not all!

During my one and only game of ParaPara Paradise 2nd Mix, who could walk in, but… Grace and George! Of all the places in all of California that they could have been (including, like, San Diego), they had stopped off at MGL. ‘Course, I’m sure it’s a big area in the South Bay for fellow Bemani players, but of all the people, and especially in the only time I’ve been there in such a long time. Freaky.

Grace said I’m sheltered, which, relatively, is quite true. Yet the most important thing I came to is that both of us are happy with who and what we are. Huh, I don’t think I can really get philosophical in the middle of a recap blog. I’ll save that for later. :P

After MGL, I met back up with my dad, who had invited me to see Terminator 3 with the rest of his department. Unfortunately, some dumbo mixed up the theater reservations and it turned out that we had the wrong tickets for the wrong theater. So everyone basically got a free movie ticket. On the way home, my dad and I stopped off in Emeryville, where the closest AMC is, and to our dismay there was no Terminator 3 showing there… instead we watched Finding Nemo, which would have been much better if we had brought someone a bit younger, like Lily, since I had already seen it and it’s not something you’d bring your dad to. We should have seen the Italian Job.

Friday night was a bit different since my sister came along (instead of my dog Java, like last week :P). But she fared well on her own, going to and from the Oasis to Starbase. Looks like she’s making friends with a lot of my friends, which is cool.

At the Oasis, a few kids were using that black pencil stuff to draw depressed signals on their face, like tear drops, or shadows under eyes, or stitches over their mouths. I wanted in on it, but since I wasn’t depressed, I requested this. Fortunately, they weren’t thrown off by my high spirits and they gladly drew a butterfly on my face. I was happy.

Then I went to Starbase, where, of course, I played Butterfly. Then I tried Kidou 2 again, and failed on Kakumei, again. But just for a change, I tried Trip Five, which, like Paranoia Brothers, I was sure I would fail – but heyey, I ended up doing it. Very fun.

So those were two days. Tomorrow I expect to get my computer (or at least a loner with a hard drive that I’ll keep until the case/mobo/cpu arrive for my own one), and drive my sister places, again. Good times.

Sunday Goodbyetobrad Party


HI
Betty and Momo show off their amazing dragon necklaces as Levi and Simon look on. I make a fool of myself at Afronova Primeval in Dance Freaks as my sis Lily freestyles to Highs Off U.

HI
Lily and James face off at freestyling to It’s Raining Men, and James thinks he loses because Lily got a better score. And then, CRAZY SPIDER STOMPERS!

HI
James hears some kid screaming for his life in the bathroom. Scary.

HI
James does his AM-3P JDogg-ripoff routine, and Momo dances along… as well as some guy outside who thinks he’s funny.

LO | HI
Since I like to be an ass on film, I threaten to stick my head into the cake. Brad says he’s loved. We cut the cake but spare a decoration of Brad’s face that Momo drew. Brad licks a knife.

LO | HI
I eat cake decor, then I serve people cake. And James views me through a spatula handle.

HI
Levi’s cat, Bacchus, is fat. James kicks him.

LO | HI
Momo starts to make MEATBOYS! Only with Boca Burger. 964 years later, it’s still not done freezing.

LO | HI
6,523 half-minutes later, the bocaboys are looking good. Confirming that they’re back in the freezer, I use the camera lens as a mirror.

LO | HI
Final verdict: it tastes weird. I decline to try it, but Allison and James do, and sorta forget that it’s actually made of [imitation] meat. James decides to spit his out. Lily says that Zoolander is funny and I videotape it (illegally!). Levi spits his share of the bocaboy out. Levi gives us the idea to use REAL MEAT!

LO | HI
We find HOT DOGS! Momo and Brad read my shirt, which says “Revolutionary” in Japanese. Brad dips the hot dog in excess chocolate.

LO | HI
We freeze the hot dogs and cut ’em up and try them. They are terribly bad. Rylan spits his dogboy out, yo.

That's That

My plans for going to Comic-Con were looking brighter and brighter until I saw the fax my stepmom got – $551 for damages of that guy’s rear bumper. I don’t even have that much money anymore, thanks to my parents deciding to stop giving me allowance.

Hah, Comic-Con? More like Not-Even-Being-Able-To-Go-To-Time-Out-Let-Alone-Eat-Con.