Halloween

Only at UC Santa Cruz can you be taught Calculus by a German hippy in a piggy suit.

I’ve got my usual pixel pumpkin shirt thing going on, but it’s so freaking cold that I’ve got a few layers to cover it up.

As for plans? Bryan and crew were originally planning to come down and drive me up to San Jose to hang with Wishnack, but that fell through. I’ll probably be heading downtown with the women’s hall.

Yes, the women’s hall. It turns out that most of the girls there are more manly than the preps hanging around my hall, the pansies. They’re good company. And a lot of them like teh Japanese whatevers. I’ve been declared an honorary member of the women’s hall, and I will wear that accomplishment with pride.

I’m from Ravenclaw!
You are smart, calm and calculating in a situation or problem you’re faced with.
You base your decisions more of logic than a standard of morals.
But be careful, sometimes in your search for knowledge you come across as cold as Spock.
Hogwart’s Sorting Hat Quiz
made by The Genki Gang

Yeah, it’s true. I recently stopped thinking of myself as the heroic protagonist type. I’d be fine out of the spotlight and I’m not as headstrong as most others.

Hey, this is LiveJournal. If you want this journal without these stupid things, go to my real blog. :P

The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test
Category Your Score Average LJer
Community Attachment 26.88%
You’ve got pals to cheer you up when you’re down, but no audience to applaud you… Yet.
22.73%
MemeSheepage 8.77%
You fill out forms at work – why should you fill them out for fun?
28.66%
Original Content 29.03%
Monthly bitch sessions and occasional movie reviews
38.67%
Psychodrama Quotient 10.84%
Had a comment taken out of context once or twice
17.18%
Attention Whoring 4.55%
Low-key and lovin’ it
20.7%

I love TheFerret’s tests. They’re long, well thought-out, and it’d be a waste of my time if I didn’t post the results. And as always, I’m proud of them.

I am funny

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
jeffreyatw goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Pixel pumpkin shirt.
arafat gives you 15 light green mint-flavoured nuggets.
calnhobbes tricks you! You get a pencil.
dilbert_feed tricks you! You get a used tissue.
george_w_bush tricks you! You lose 8 pieces of candy!
jashcroft gives you 14 light blue root beer-flavoured gumdrops.
jeffreyatw gives you 10 light green apple-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
kim_jong_il__ gives you 3 light blue lime-flavoured gummies.
paidmembers tricks you! You get a pencil.
reallifecomic gives you 5 mauve coffee-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
sinfestfeed gives you 12 purple licorice-flavoured wafers.
jeffreyatw ends up with 51 pieces of candy, a pencil, a used tissue, and a pencil.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Screw friends. It’s always the robots and the phonys that give out the best candy.

Arena

I’ll be posting the second part of my “history” soon, I promise.

But tonight was so freaking fun. It started out as the usual solitary trip to the Boardwalk, where I ended up finding the long-lost Pump It Up machine. One guy who’s often there, Alex, invited me to part from my money-wasting activity and join him in a rousing round of “Arena,” where people run around on public property and play capture the flag, and “tag” people by stabbing them with foam knives. We played a few rounds. I met a whole bunch of cool people. A lot of them play DDR, too. None of them are from UCSC, though, but that doesn’t really matter.

And then I had some rainbow ice cream from TCBY to celebrate. Whee!

So yes, a very energetic, fun night. A few more outings like this with the Arena crew and I’ll really feel as if I’ve developed a good group of friends down here. Finally!

Pathetic

It’s funny. The more I distance myself from Christie, the more I realize that she was just using me. Of course you have your own needs when you’re in a relationship, but hers was just for emotional and physical closeness because she felt so emotionally unstable.

Now what’s funny is that I feel as if I need comfort. Getting a hug has never felt so good before. I lose faith more and more in the people that surround me. But the only person around for me to hug and get sympathy from… is Christie.

History, pt. 1

Looking back, it doesn’t feel to me as if my life was so troubled. Everyone likes to recall back to one event that must have warped the way I look at life, and I tend to think of my outcome as originating from a different source… eh, I’ll stop being so general and let’s start off.

My parents were married in Florida. My dad got a new job as a computer engineer which required him to move to California. Somewhat reluctantly, my mom and dad started anew in Silicon Valley.

I was born in Fremont, 1985. Coincidentally, my mom’s friend was pregnant at the same time, and my friend, who goes as Mikosi on the net, was born the next day.

My early childhood was very, very good. I was a gifted child – I learned to read and write, as well as play piano, at the age of 3. I have vivid memories of trips to visit relatives, piano lessons, piano improv, finger-painting, typing on my dad’s old green-screen computer and my Atari 800, birthday parties, Jewish high holidays, my very own play-structure, block parties, knee scrapes due to reckless bicycling, turning off the night-light for the first time, the arrival of my sister, 1990, complaining about my friends having Nintendos and getting a Sega Genesis, You Can’t Do That On Television, singing, laughing.

After a year or two in pre-school at Temple Beth Torah, I moved onto Weibel Elementary, where I walked to school every day, played on Apple IIs, roleplayed as Sonic the Hedgehog with one of my friends playing Tails, went on field trips, cowered before Principal Pfaffenberger and Vice Principal Rugg, and learned the important stuff.

By the end of 1st grade, I was at the head of the class, and my teacher suggested that I take the standardized CTBS test with the 2nd graders. I got 98th percentile. I remember being able to make my own decision whether to skip a grade or not. I can’t remember what I chose myself, but I was to skip into 3rd grade.

At the same time, at home, tension was strengthening due to my dad’s “passive-aggressive” attitude and my mom’s, well, “aggressive” attitude. I have a vivid memory of my sister and me crying in her room as my mom shouts at my dad from upstairs. Doors were slammed. My dad soon moved into the computer room to sleep.

Then my dad moved into an apartment. He spent a few years there, solitary and depressed. My mom moved to Marin County. I stayed with her, only to see my dad on the weekends after an hour-long car ride, and I started going to school at Vallecito elementary in San Rafael.

So in one summer, I skipped a grade, moved, went into a new school, and went through my parents’ divorce. People tell me that I’m such a poor dear for having to go through such an ordeal, but I disagree. I think I went through it quite well. More of it was the outcome – what came from the new arrangement – that “affected” me so much.

And I’ll get to that later!

sXe

I’m feeling really angry at about everyone in my hall right now. Maybe I asked for it by getting into the film-oriented hall, but even the most insightful of people are totally hypocritical and it even makes my head hurt. I feel pity, I feel insulted, I feel proud.

And pride is not as great a thing as people make it out to be. There was a group discussion, or rather a lecture made by one of the louder mouths in the area, just about life and the way we all live it. This guy who was blabbing was really proud, too.

He says that if he died right now, he’d feel as if he lived his life to the fullest. he’s gotten arrested 16 times, he’s seen people through withdrawals and other drug-related destruction, and all his talents make him what he is today – a loudmouth with a reputation.

And I, on the other hand, feel as though I lived my life with no problems, no major downs, no major ups, yet I still feel the same way – if I died right now I’d feel as if my life was complete. Or as complete as I want it to be.

Like I said in my entry about friends, I live in the present moment. This other guy wants to look back when he’s older and see how great his past was. Yet we’re both proud of what we’ve become. I think we really disgust each other, though – we’re opposites because of what both of us have and haven’t done.

Yet he’s accepted. I’m not. Of course, I don’t want to be accepted by those who don’t want me as I am. What I’m getting at is that the lifestyle of living in the extremes is desirable around here. If you haven’t experienced the lowest of the low and the highest of the high, you have no place unless you want to completely throw away your identity.

What’s one of the main determinants of what my “lifestyle” is? My choice not to do drugs. Sure, a little drunkedness and maybe some weed might not completely destroy you, but it’s just not for me.

I’ve been told that alcoholism and overall addiction runs in my family. I can tell it’s true. We’re all very fidgety. Often, a lot of my family members’ behaviors border on obsessive-compulsive. And I’ve been told that my grandpa was an alcoholic.

I don’t want to see myself drunk. I can act crazy and speak my mind without the influence of alcohol. And I don’t want to introduce the chance that I might fall into an addiction. The same goes for any other kind of drug.

Seriously. People say that alcohol and weed just loosen you up and let you speak the “ultimate truth.” You’ve got to be a pretty conflicted person to not be able to come out and say something without the influence of some outside substance.

I don’t ever find myself craving them. I don’t enjoy being around those who are influenced. I don’t like the taste of alcohol, but it still doesn’t even matter if I’ve tried it before. It’s not worth getting drunk over.

And at this point, the only reason I’d ever to that sort of stuff is to fit into a crowd I don’t like being around. It gives me all the more reason to be proud about myself and who I really am.

I’m a nice person, so I respect those who decide to have that as part of their lifestyle. I’m not going to impose this on anyone or preach straight-edgedness. But I’ll say I’m proud, and I think a lot more people I know would be better off if drugs and alcohol were such a big part of their lives.

And yes, I’ll be talking more about myself and my upbringing later. It’s why I italicized that I feel as though I lived my life with no major problems. That’s for you guys to decide.

Sympathy Post

This weekend just spun down and down as it progressed.

It started out really well. I went to the Boardwalk, where I found I can consistently full-combo Genom Screams Double Heavy on a crappy pad, and that I can do Orion.78 (civilization), Healing Vision ~Angelic~, and Paranoia Survivor, one after another. And I met a girl about my age there, she’s been playing DDR for a while and is in independent study. Neat.

I came back to catch my roomies, all of whom had just come back from a party totally drunk, and proceeded to go up to someone’s room a floor up – I decided to follow them, but when I found out they had just gone to get even more drunk and stoned, I left and just mulled around for the rest of the evening. Christie went along with the crowd, though, had way too much to drink, and ended up making out for hours with the guy next to her. God damn it.

The next morning I found out that she had slept with numerous people in my hall since we moved in less than a month ago. Makes me feel pretty fucking shallow. I was categorized as one of those sex-crazed guys that was only trying to get in her pants. She felt really bad about herself, though, so being a nice person, I comforted her and told her that maybe she shouldn’t party as hard anymore. I don’t know if I should have done that, though. She needs “love” because she didn’t get it as a child. I understand that, I know people like that, but she’s easily attached to people and that’s a bad thing.

Everyone on my hall ended up getting totally smashed again the next night, while I just stayed in my room and tried to work on an essay. I was invited to go watch a show on VH1 done by Camp Chaos, which I fondly remember as the guys who did the “Napster Bad” cartoons, and I found out that this guy, Jeff, is also a web designer/composer/animator/etc. That was a highlight.

But then I tried going to sleep and somewhere around 4AM, my roommate stumbled into the room, shining his red keychain light in my face, and turned on the microwave for 5 minutes with NOTHING IN IT while he tried leaning on furniture and failing, and passing out on the floor.

Today was spent mostly trying to write my essay. It’s basically a big ol’ book report. I certainly don’t like it. In the meantime, my roommate and friends went downtown to buy really tacky posters about pimps and shot glasses. And then I sat down to write this thing. Everyone feel sorry for me, okay?