jeffreyatw.com v6 operational!

Yes, I know I’m obsessed with it, but that wacky drink in by buddy icon is the theme of my design. It’s nifty so check it out, yo. Oh, and feedback is cool, too.

BTW, what’s most awesomely about the design is that it’s basically comprised of one photo, with barely any editing at all. No filters were applied – the tannish background had a few details removed from it, and it was completely removed from the left side of the bottle for a less square effect – but besides that, even the shadow of the bottle is part of the design. Wooee.

Friends

I’ve wavered back and forth on the topic of whether I’m an emotional person or not for quite some time. This indecisiveness could even be seen as a sign of being quite emotional, but I don’t really believe that to be true. Introspection isn’t brought on by lack of any type of stimulation. But I’ve noticed a bit of a pattern as to when I talk a lot about this sort of stuff – it’s when a lot of social activity or conflict is going on.

Which brings me to my next topic – my materialism. It’s basically non-existent. For example, what I brought to college was enough clothes to refrain from doing laundry too much, the usual linens and toiletries (even though that was quite scarce – no sunscreen, deodorant, liquid soap, etc.), a bunch of pens and paper for classes, and my computer. I brought the necessities. All the fun stuff I could have shown off was either thrown away or left at home, because I really didn’t feel any connection to it at all. If all of my stuff spontaneously combusted, the only stuff that I think I’d miss is anything of sentimental value.

Am I really that sentimental, though? I live in the present moment. I’ve been asked again and again what my goals and dreams are, and I simply could not answer. I feel no need for fame or fortune. And because I live in the present moment, the past and the future don’t really matter to me. The reason I’d cling onto something with sentimental value from the past is because I’d want to be able to remember it in the future. In that way, in terms of sentimentality, the future is as important as the past.

Which brings me to my next point – I know that who I am is not determined by what I own, but being able to show things that one cherishes is a clear sign of caring about oneself. I don’t think I really care about myself that much. Please don’t take this the wrong way – because I live in the present and don’t care for material posessions and don’t even retain much for sentimental value, my own life is not very important to me.

In this way, it’s good that I’m not a depressive person, because I seriously could be dead by now. But as I said, I’m NOT. I never would think of doing anything like that. Do you know why? Because it’s selfish. It’d be selfish to throw my life away. Because what makes my life matter is not me – it’s my friends.

The reason I’m so optimistic is because I have so much to be thankful for. I could make an endless list of things that are good about my life. The (quite shallow) basics are that I go to a great school, I’m intelligent, I look good, and I’m creative. But even if all that was taken away, there’d still be the the universe – the earth, the flora, fauna, the knowledge that people are out there living their life despite the inevitability of death, and most importantly, the bonds that people make with one another.

I’ve explained before that I want companionship, and I’ve also stated multiple times that I want to be more emotional, and these things are inter-related – what makes me so happy and gives me the capacity to feel sad is the fact that I can love other people. I can give meaning to other people’s lives as they give meaning to mine.

You could say that it’s selfless to want to devote your life to other people, but it’s just as selfish – in turn, these people devote their lives to me.

I noticed recently that I’ve never blogged about my past, so people wonder why I act the way I do – why I’m so thankful for what I have, yet why I take life in stride and live in the present moment. I’ll blog about that later. But I’ve come to the realization that friends are the most important part of life.

XP functionality + OSX look = ULTIMATE POWER

I passed up quite a lot of sleep to put it all together, but say hello to the new look for my Windows XP computer.

And yes, it is because Greg Dean did the same thing – but a few years ago I tried turning my Windows computer to look like a Mac, but a combination between it not being XP and it being really slow made the endeavor fail.

Peruse these forums if you’re interested.

Shi yu nekusu taimu

Christie and I are no longer dating, as it were. On her part, it’s because of family problems and the inability to balance a great deal of work with spending time with a boyfriend, and on my part, it’s because we’re better as friends – we don’t really share any interests at all and our emotional capacities are far different. We do have a lot of similarities and we get along quite well – in fact, we’re hanging out right now – but yeah, I’m single again. And I guess I should feel weird about it, but I’m already looking again. One of the bad traits about someone so unobsessed with emotions and the every day pains of life is that we often tend to move on very quickly – and often too quickly.

7-11 is perfect for the starving college student, hunger- and money- wise. I had two chili dogs and a Mandarin Orange Arizona Honey Jasmine Green Tea (whew) and it cost me less than 3 dollars.

And I’m feeling better. Now to save my social tendencies for Monday – I’ve got some major reading to do when I wake up.

jeffrey ATW: But yes, I had a good summer too. Whenever I talk about my overall social development, I always mention that this past summer was the most important period for that aspect in my life.
PluieSurMaTerre: How so?
jeffrey ATW: I learned what love is, in many many senses of the word.
PluieSurMaTerre: So did I
jeffrey ATW: How to express it, the extent to which it can be taken, unrequited instances, the act itself, when to say it, etc.
PluieSurMaTerre: Wow, our summers were so alike it’s almost frustrating. All of those things occured for me too.
jeffrey ATW: Heheheh, wow. And I’m sure it was that way for a lot of us. It seemed to be.
PluieSurMaTerre: Yeah. Although, I question how genuine it is for some.
jeffrey ATW: Everyone’s got their own levels; everyone lives in their own world.
PluieSurMaTerre: Yep.

OGHMGN

OMGOGMGMM I WNET DOWN TO EHT MMOVIE TEACHER AND AWS KILLBILL AND IT WAS eh, okay. I felt comfortable with my limited knowledge of Japanese dialect and culture enough to understand it thoroughly, but I’m not completely sure how much everyone else in the audience fared. Eh, it’s not rocket science. The action sequences certainly were exciting.

So I’ll get some extra reading done over the weekend instead. Things’ll go well. I’ll be developing even more of a social stature here, I guess.

Even after a fun night of movie, DDR, and my first food eaten off campus since I started school – psychedelic rainbow ice cream – I’m still feeling a little uneasy. It’s funny how much I don’t realize how much I need to get off my shoulders until I actually go ahead and do it. It’s great that there are some awesome people with which to talk here.

Not planning on really disclosing here what I’m thinking right now… it’ll all come soon enough, though, I’m sure.

I'm a slaaaaave to the faaaaace

New plan: mill around in UCSC with not much to do for the weekend. I don’t have enough money for the rest of the month, nor do I have the correct method of transportation, to make it home this weekend. I’m really really sorry and I tried my damndest to make it work, but unless anyone can swoop down from Fremont and drive me to San Rafael (and do it again on Sunday), nothin’ doin’. Blargh.

Teh weeksend planzes.

Okay, stupids, here’s the deal. As of right now, I plan on coming into the Bay Area this weekend, from Friday night to Sunday morning. And so I need to know what all y’alls is doing tonight. Right now I plan on going to a party at Beau’s – I believe a few of my friends were invited too… and uh… well, just everyone tell me what you’re doing.

There’s not a 100% chance that I’ll be coming in tonight. I can take the shuttle to the BART and then I can take the BART all the way up to Richmond, but I have no word from my parents whether they’ll pick me up from there. I might just try to take a GG Transit bus the rest of the way – whatever.

Anyway, if all goes according to plan, the next day I will be going to the Metreon for the Probably Really Dumb Anime Festival. It will be full of fun, and excitement. Yeah.

RRRRROW