Further boring stuff

Almasy Marquis: Do you enjoy living life the way that you do? It would seem like if I were to take your description of what you do at face value, then your life is generally bleh and you’d off yourself if you didn’t think there’d be any consequences, but from what I know of you seem to enjoy yourself most of the time, especially given your propensity not to really care what others think of you.
JeffreyAtW: No, I don’t really enjoy my life the way it is, but I don’t really see how it could be much better.
JeffreyAtW: Everything I do is by choice and my choices have led me here. I don’t see what could really improve my view of life and mortality in general.
JeffreyAtW: I already realize that life is worth living because there are people who I care about and people who care about me
JeffreyAtW: Sure, I find enjoyable things to do with my time
Almasy Marquis: FFXI =P
JeffreyAtW: I guess that overall I’m disappointed and bored, and I wish there was more to do. Maybe pursuing a more active, diverse lifestyle could change this.
JeffreyAtW: Like, going out and doing more adventurous things, more physical things… I don’t know if that’s really within my reach at this time.
JeffreyAtW: Maybe I just need to find a girlfriend.
JeffreyAtW: A girlfriend would do a few things
JeffreyAtW: Mentally numb me
JeffreyAtW: That is, I would care for her so much that I’d spend a lot less time thinking about myself
JeffreyAtW: And I’d get rather caught up and in a state of nigh-euphoria where I “love life,” etc.
JeffreyAtW: That would be really great.
JeffreyAtW: And of course, there are other things to attend to. I miss hugs and just being close to someone.
JeffreyAtW: The thing that turns me off about having a girlfriend is that people feel as if they have to be emotionally and intellectually closer to them than other people –
JeffreyAtW: That is, they’d share only the deepest, darkest secrets with their significant others… that is…
JeffreyAtW: Until they break up and feel totally shattered over spilling one’s life aspirations out to someone else.
JeffreyAtW: So that’s why I’m very open to many people. I don’t like to hold things in.
JeffreyAtW: Besides, I’ve even TRIED doing this with previous girlfriends of mine and they really don’t care, or they don’t understand.
Almasy Marquis: That’s one main reason I’ve never really looked for a significant other
JeffreyAtW: I have found myself semi-“shattered” before, because I devoted so much time and attention to girlfriends in the past
JeffreyAtW: And then they’re like let’s be friends okay here’s some other guy *fuckfuckfuckfuck*
JeffreyAtW: So yeah, you could say I’m disenchanted.
Almasy Marquis: I wish I had some kind of helpful, ‘well, do this’ thing since I like being helpful but nothing really specific springs to mind.
JeffreyAtW: I don’t want help. I’ve come to accept this and I don’t think anyone could really “change my mind” from what I see as the evident truth.
JeffreyAtW: Obviously another relationship could come along that could end up with different results. And maybe I SHOULD fuel some effort toward doing something like that
Almasy Marquis: Well, it’s the truth as it is now, but thinking that there’s no real way to significantly improve the enjoyment of your life through ways that aren’t superficial is stupid
Almasy Marquis: Maybe a relationship, maybe even just some other personal long-term project,\
JeffreyAtW: Yeah, exactly.
JeffreyAtW: The thing is, I really have no problem with personal superficiality
JeffreyAtW: I just have to achieve superficiality through some means of enjoyable, wholesome activity
JeffreyAtW: Something that will simply keep my mind off boredom and death.
Almasy Marquis: I guess that’s why I feel the need to poke and prod at you about it, then. It doesn’t seem right that one so self-aware and reasonably intelligent as yourself should be as complacent as that.
JeffreyAtW: Yeah. All I’m really doing is feeling sorry for myself because I’m not doing anything to change my lifestyle.
JeffreyAtW: But the observations I make about life and its meaning are totally true.
JeffreyAtW: The more I want people and the more I feel wanted, the more reason there is for me to live.
JeffreyAtW: So I should seek that out – the more ties I make, the better my life will be.


  1. Man…
    Reading this remind me of how I feel about relationships.
    ;chuckles; Two buds I work with told me I ought to spend 75 bucks and spend an hour with “a friend”. But I ain’t really looking for that ya know? Right now I’d much rather have a significant other than being single, but then again I can’t seem to find her.
    Life is so much easier when you’re happy, because you live in a euphoria. But when you’re alone, and sad, things just drag. Days go along at a slow pace. But we survive. That’s the thing:
    You have to try to survive, or life is pointless.
    Good days always happen, some day.
    To give up is wrong.
    To give in is easy.
    But to live, and to continue to live, now that’s a constant victory.
    All for now.

  2. So I should seek that out – the more ties I make, the better my life will be.
    I don’t know about this. Quality is certainly more important than quantity. Developing a relationship with a person solely to keep you entertained until you die seems kind of like doing drugs to pass the time, just another distraction. I would rather be interested than entertained, if that makes sense. Music has done more for me than I think any single relationship ever could, something to do with work and rigor.

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