Fetish musings.

<JeffreyATW> noser i need help transforming my internet likeness into some weird thing that could be passed off as a personal fetish
<JeffreyATW> maybe i will be Wrenchy, the wrench
<JeffreyATW> and draw wrenchporn
<Noser> what do you mean
<Noser> back up a step
<Noser> isn’t CAR a fetish comic
<JeffreyATW> it’s boring being a human on the internet who is attracted to women
<JeffreyATW> not unfulfilling, just boring
<Noser> but you’re attracted to men too, if it’s road head.
<Noser> that’s your fetish
<Noser> auto eroticism
<JeffreyATW> that was ONE TIME
<JeffreyATW> and only in my COMIC
<Noser> you said internet likeness
<JeffreyATW> that’s true i guess
<JeffreyATW> i don’t know if my comic is my internet likeness
<JeffreyATW> that jeffrey seems to be a different jeffrey than the jeffrey on twitter and livejournal and facebook
<Noser> well yeah, that’s your carsona
<JeffreyATW> a jeffrey who is too simple to fancy himself a wrench, and fancy wrenches
<Noser> lots of carries are different when they draw themselves in cars
<SamDoug> awesome
<Noser> wrench-on-car action!
<SamDoug> VOLCANOES
<SamDoug> HOLY FUCK
<Noser> I haven’t played with magma
<SamDoug> shit just got epic
<SamDoug> brb forging The One Ring
<JeffreyATW> is there a volcano in upstate new york now
<JeffreyATW> good
<Noser> apparently it’s really easy to destroy your entire sector of the world with a magma pool, bauxite, a mason, and a mechanic
<SamDoug> just the way I like it
<SamDoug> Playing with death and poor AI
<JeffreyATW> hey i’m a wrench, i love mechanics
<Noser> I don’t totally get the bauxite thing being so obscure, the game should mention it
<JeffreyATW> they know just how to handle us wrenches
<SamDoug> also Jeffrey, jog on
<Noser> what kind of wrench
* You are now known as WrenchyATW
<WrenchyATW> torque
<WrenchyATW> just you wait
<WrenchyATW> i’ll start this off as a joke
<Noser> can you point to a picture of your wrenchsona
* SamDoug is now known as CARDoug
<WrenchyATW> but then i’ll start making comics about wrenches
<Noser> are you a specific model of wrench
<WrenchyATW> and eventually it will be like, maybe i really DO like wrenches In That Way
<CARDoug> metric or standard
<WrenchyATW> standard :( i AM american
<WrenchyATW> searching “torque wrench” on GIS for my wrenchsona
<WrenchyATW> safe search is off
<WrenchyATW> http://news.thomasnet.com/images/large/486/486650.jpg
<WrenchyATW> oh god
<WrenchyATW> this manual torque wrench
<WrenchyATW> it has a universal round shank head

My Problem With Ham.

So I was just reading that a friend of mine was enjoying a ham and brie sandwich. Sounds tasty, right? I certainly wouldn’t mind one, but then again, if I was given the choice of any sandwich, it’d be way far down my list. Here’s why.

The problem starts with ham. Ham’s great. It’s from a pig, which makes it pork, and pork’s tasty. Even better, seeing as I’m Jewish and the thought of eating ham and sending a big “fuck you” off to my heritage just heightens the pig-eating experience even more. Bacon, carnitas, pork chops, you name it; if it’s from a pig, it will go in my mouth. But ham? Ham is probably the last kind of pigmeat I would put in my mouth.

I think it stems from a broad history of lunchmeat sandwiches. Throughout elementary school and middle school, my lunch would be either chicken breast or turkey breast sandwiches. Ham was, in fact, seen as a real treat, since I’d only get it in my sandwiches once or twice a month. So ham climbed up the ladder of the Meat Hierarchy and stayed there for a while. Even though it was really just like the poultry breast I was eating, although slightly pinker.

Sometime afterward, though, my tastes started becoming refined. In came steak in all its cuts – ribeye, sirloin, tri-tip – not to mention my growing affinity for all things shellfish (yet another delicious Jewish taboo). Lunchmeat became a thing of the past, and ham was unceremoniously grouped along with it.

Pork is very versatile. When it’s in all the forms I’ve come to love – pork chop being all steak-y, carnitas being all cheesesteak-y, bacon being all… well… itself-y, I’ll eat the hell out of it. But when it’s in its ham form, all it does is remind me of the monotonous days of lunchmeat lunchmeat lunchmeat… and I just can’t bring myself to pick out ham as a “good” type of pork.

Now don’t get me started on Canadian bacon, though. I think that’s some sort of American ploy to get people like me interested in ham again, and it won’t work. Canadians, it’s not your fault! I don’t blame you!!!

Tans

So fake tans have been all the rage for a while but I’m starting to see a new trend: FAKE fake tans. Where the person is so Oompa-Loompa that they look like they’ve come off of a rotisserie. Not just on those crazy New Jersey guys, but on girls, too.

I just want to ask before the craze gets even crazier: does anyone find that even remotely attractive or interesting? I personally would have trouble having anything to do with anyone like that, even (especially?) for casual dating. But I mean, there has to be SOME logical reason behind the action and attraction. Anyone?