On the topic of lodging

I just realized when I was exposing my naked, moist, hairy body to the interior of that unfortunate shower stall, that my housing fear is unfounded!
The one thing I’ve been worrying about this whole time is that once I move into my own place or share it with friends, all I’ll be making for myself will be Pasta Roni and frozen dinners, hence, my health and fitness will go to shit. For serious, eating the food served on campus can be consistently healthy if you’re not an idiot. But it’s not like I can’t cook, it’s just, I know I’ll get lazy and I’ll end up making the same fallback stuff over and over again.
But then I realized, why am I worrying? I am a MAN! What has popular culture from the past ten thousand years taught men? They’re supposed to be reclining and watching football after a hard day’s sitting-in-the-office while WOMEN are in the kitchen baking them a well-balanced, healthy dinner that might be followed by some goddamn pie.
So with complete seriousness, I say to all females: get back in the kitchen! Or else this fine specimen of man-meat will become less than desirable.

15 comments

  1. Last night I spent maybe an hour breaking down to my older brother how easy, cheap, and NON-time consuming it is to cook meals and eat healthy. Ultimately he’s going to keep eating peanut butter and Coke for dinner.

    1. Pshh, that’s what they1 want you to think. McDonalds and only McDonalds is the cheapest, easiest, and fastest way to eat food, and don’t let the produce section of any supermarket tell you otherwise!
      1 the terrorists.

  2. my sister says the number one thing to look for in a boyfriend is the ability to cook. and my sister’s boyfriend is hot AND can cook. SCORE!
    therefore, if you want a girlfriend: bitch better make [insert girlfriend] a sandwich (or, you know, gourmet lasanga, whichever she prefers)

  3. I’ve just recently moved out of my mom’s house, and I find this fear of yours to be kind of true. I have a collection of Ramen in the pantry. One good idea is to have some canned food you can cook in a pot. I try and stay away from the microwave as much as possible. Thanks to your post, I just remembered to e-mail my sister for a few filipino recipes. Learn how to cook with recipes. Use the internets!

      1. lol. those hamburgers are beating like hearts. which is quite ironic, because if you eat enough of them, you are likely to get some heart-related disease and die.

  4. Actually I agree. I don’t understand the drive that some women have to convince women that they don’t have to cook and clean and cook. Biologically speaking they are genetically predisposed to such things, being the child-bearers.
    Besides, if they don’t do it, who will?
    I understand the number of female professionals is on the rise, but really, how many professional mothers are there and secondly, is it really responsible to not stay at home for a little while after having a kid?
    So yea, get in the kitchen bitches.

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