ELECTRONIC CONDOM

So I borrowed a grounding strap from Dan and now when I go hold my motherboard she won’t die from an electronically transmitted disease!!!

Also I am bored and sitting in the computer lab and not doing much and oh actually I should go practice some piano for tomorrow’s midterms :[

Sooo.

My week without my computer. Certainly was exciting!

Just to elaborate on what I did wrong – I probably didn’t properly ground myself whilst installing the motherboard into my new case. PROBABLY. I’m thinking that I just shorted something out… because when I plugged it in, the little status light on the motherboard that was usually green was yellow… and there’s actually no documentation for what the hell that means. After trying to start it up and getting no signal from the video card, eventually the light started blinking and then completely turned off. So… eh. I’m a little anxious about what will happen once I get my new motherboard on Monday… I think I might take the motherboard and my case over to Baskin Engineering for supervision in installing it. I might be able to borrow a grounding strap. Another possibility someone gave me, though, is that the power supply I have maybe shorted the thing out, since when I start it up with my OLD power supply, the fans still move and everything, but with the new one, it simply turns on and turns off really fast. Ugh, I have no idea. I should probably test the output on the power supply to make sure that that’s not screwing up as well.

In other news. I’m doing extremely well in my Intro to Unix class, as expected. As of now, I’m getting over 100% in the class. And it’s really helping with my job, too. I can actually do stuff on a terminal without having to email one of my coworkers and waiting a day for a reply. That used to be so embarrassing.

And of course I couldn’t really log in to work at all this week, due to lack of computer… I could sign in on a public computer and check my mail, but that’s about it.

Speaking about public computers, well, since I have no computer I have to complete work some way. And Porter has a Mac lab that’s open every day… and it’s got G5s. My god are these things sexy. Deathly quiet, too. And I can open up about 50 windows and then use Exposé to bounce ’em around, with no delay or drop in framerate. OH SEXY.

Speaking about good graphics, I’ve had my share of fun this week by playing through Jak 3. A year ago I sorta “reviewed” Jak II and everything basically still applies… but like… twice. Graphics are even better, as is animation (holy god I can’t believe how fucking awesome the facial architecture is)… and everything’s more fun. Nothing’s INSANELY difficult anymore, making minigames really fun. Yeah. Good use of my free time. As an unlockable secret in the game, you can even listen to animators’ commentary for the game’s cutscenes. But now that I’m finished with it, this weekend will have to be slightly different…

Hoping that my friends won’t head downtown without me. I dunno, it’s just a suspicion in the back of my mind that they could do something like that; forget about inviting me to something I helped plan. Everyone forgot about me in going to dinner yesterday. It’s not really their fault, and of course it’s nothing too big, but still, it’s stuff like that that makes me want to stay in my room all day and not come out until someone asks me… and chances are it’d be days until anyone decides to do anything like that. I’m not trying hard enough to make new friends.

And tomorrow will be study day. Got a few Music midterms coming up… yeah… a few. For the same class. Theory, sight-singing, keyboarding… and last Friday I just had an ear-training quiz. That class is so engulfing you have no idea.

Also, for big-ish news, I’m planning on taking a trip to North Carolina at the beginning of Spring break to go visit my grandpa Joe, who I’ve never spent time with before. It’ll just be me and him for a few days. I’m certainly anxious since I basically grew up hearing nothing but bad things about him, but I really feel as if I have to find that out by myself. We’ve had correspondence by mail in the past few months, and to me it feels like he completely acknowledges what everyone thinks of him and how he acted in the past, and that he’s a changed person and he really wants me to find out about him myself. I think it’ll be an awesome opportunity. All I really need to do is schedule a plane trip… Expedia’s got a round-trip for $500. Is that normal? I know nothing about plane fares.

In contrast to what I was saying earlier about my friends, Ron just IMed me up and said we’re leaving to go to a performance in about an hour. Yay. So I should get some things done before we go, like calling my mom and getting back to my grandpa about making concrete plans.

Goodbye LiveJournal!!!

FYI

I’ll have limited access to the Internet for the next few days because I was fucking cockhole and assumed that I could move my motherboard into a new case without completely shorting it. So until my new motherboard arrives, I’ll be moping around in my boring room without any Internet access.

On the plus side, along with this new case I also bought another 512MB stick of memory and yet another new video card (ATI Radeon 9600Pro). Now with an obligatory new motherboard, it’ll almost be like I have a new computer.

If you see this text and you’ve ever been around me in real life, write a memory you have of me, even if you’ve only seen me like once or twice or never even talked to me.

If you see this text and you’ve never been around me in real life, then move along people, nothing to see here.

If you DON’T see this text, u r a doodoohead and u wil nevr find out.

SWM

God damn it you guys I’m so glad I didn’t fill you in on the details of this supposed relationship.

So you can all assume that we were friends for such a long time and that we didn’t show our feelings about each other and one of us finally reached out and we became infatuated with one another and spent many long months with one another, even though that’s totally not true.

It’s over already, I’m actually really happy it’s over. I am disgusted at myself, let’s just forget this ever happened.

This is about me.

When I’m feeling happy, it’s easiest to put me in a bad mood. I’m not angry or anything, but I’m just pretty affected by what I learned in Human Sexuality today –

We’re learning about love right now, and today’s topic was about attitudes toward relationships and the gender of affection, based on the influences of parents at an early age. I’ve thought of this a bit, but what I learned today made it really clear to me – my take on relationships has been greatly affected by how my parents acted when I was young.

I see it this way – as a kid up to age 5, my parents were loving, and I spent a lot of time with both of them. I picked up a lot of their traits. I grew attached to both of them.

What I learned in class today was that kids age 5 to 7 are affected most by divorce… and my parents divorced at 6. Before their breakup, I can’t remember any tiffs between them – they seemed like a loving couple, and they showered me with affection. So I can see how that sort of sudden realization can really break a kid.

So, self-esteem shot to hell, my parents moved away from each other, and I was left with my mom. Who, of course at that time, I loved with all my heart. She was my freaking mother. She could do no wrong. And I was determined to try my hardest to please this perfect symbol of caring and warmth in my life.

When I found that no matter what I did to please my mom, there was always yelling and rejection, I became worried, and timid. I mean, I knew I must have been doing something wrong to make my mom angry at me like this. It made me feel bad about other things. I didn’t want to get into relationships, for example: I was scared of having girlfriends because I thought it’d turn out the same way. I’d try to make them happy, something would go wrong, and it’d destroy my self-confidence. I didn’t want that to happen, so I found that I was pretty happy just being with friends.

Soon, when I was able to find out that my mom wasn’t a perfect individual, well – a lot of damage had already been done, but removing myself from her control (by getting kicked out of her house) seemed to really help, a whole lot. I found myself more eager to get into new things, because I wasn’t afraid of guilt and reprimanding if I didn’t follow through.

It’s why now, even though I’ve proven that I can be happy and have a full life without getting into things like this, I’m not too scared to do so. I want to have wild ups and downs; I’ve been saying this for a while. And today’s the day that I really experienced that sort of thing… just hearing about how my parent’s divorce really did affect me.

And then after writing this entry, even more problems are beginning to arise for me. I was sorta pouting in class, but I just had a good weep-a-thon just because I’m really not feeling appropriately, well, rewarded for what I’m doing. I’m reaching out constantly, and getting no reply. It’s almost worse than getting a negative reply, which is what I had almost gotten used to.

I dunno, I really haven’t thought this out right now. I’m going to skip dinner and then attempt some homework…