Happy New Year. And I mean it. I mean, aren’t you happy that 2001 is over?
At least I shoved it off with a bang. I’m writing from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, at (cheesily enough) the Paradise Village Resort, with my dad, stepmom, sister, and some friends of our family. I guess I’ll just explain how the first few days here went:
December 27: Spent all day in airport as parents sifted through luggage for lost documentation. Finally caught plane. Arrived late at night. Got to hotel, and went to bed.
December 28: Missed breakfast and was pissed off. Lounged around in a giant pool. Lounged around in the Pacific Ocean. Repeat. Ate a hamburger for lunch with this really good mango smoothie. Played “tequilla volleyball,” where one plays volleyball in the water while randomly recieving a shot of tequilla from an activities director. Took a slide or two at the giant pool. Noticed that there is a cavernous underground passageway underneath a stage in the middle of the giant stage. Yelled under it, and was attacked by deadly acoustics. Met 5 Mexican girls who followed me around. Tried to make conversation. Failed. Don’t know Spanish. Girls invited me to a disco after dinner. Took a bus to the city Puerto Vallarta, where I noticed that all Mexicans are completely insane on the road. Walked through the city. Walked some more. Took a taxi. Arrived at “The Red Cabbage,” a great Mexican food place, its walls plastered with posters of “cabbages,” or bad movies. (I actually liked Gladiator, but they thought otherwise…) Tried one of their margaritas, which were 2/3 pure alcohol. Exited. Walked. Parents bought various alcoholic beverages. I had to carry them about 10 blocks. Took a taxi back to the hotel. Missed the goddamn disco. Tried walking to other local discos and got bored. Returned to room and noticed the rather stimulating programming they show late at night on Showtime.
December 29: Went to this advertising scam where they try to sell us a timeshare at the resort, but got free breakfast and left the presentation early. Noticed a giant trampoline on a raft a few hundred feet out to sea. Swam to it, dodging hungry pelicans. Arrived. Jumped. Flipped. Almost broke neck. Jumped off trampoline. Got seawater up nose. Met a kid from the San Francisco Bay Area named Ben. Discussed DDR and Final Fantasy. Trampoline was hit by giant wave. Trampoline support twisted and broke, puncturing a hole in the raft. Trampoline eventually folded into a taco, and water flooded the middle. Hella fun. Nearly went down with the ship when I was ordered by my folks to swim back to shore. Argh. Met back up with Spanish girls, where I got cozy with one girl, Lisette, in that underground stage place in the pool which is hard to explain. Complained to Ben that kids swimming through the passage kept interrupting our cozy time. Went to Paradise Plaza, a local mall, for pizza and FANTA~! Met girls later who invited me back to their place h3h3h3h3. Impressed them by getting a 204-perfect and 204-step max combo on Butterfly on a really old version of DDR that they had. Returned back to room after cheesy goodnight kiss with Lisette. Frantically searched for previously mentioned stimulating programming on Showtime to no avail.
December 30: Went JETSKIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and got to drive at 60 MPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in the OCEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then met Ben. Hung out with Ben and then met Spanish girls, with whom I tried making conversation again. Ben helped, knowing some Spanish. Played another round of tequilla volleyball, and had lunch again, where I tried ordering an alcoholic beverage (Angel Kiss), and succeeded. Legal drinking age in Mexico: looking like you’re old. Went over to Ben’s to discover two DDR pads and about 5 DDR CDs. Failed miserably while watching him dance to Paranoia Rebirth on Maniac. Beat him with one hit at Golden Sun later heha. Ate at hotel restaurant where they had a Chinese Buffet and people stared at me for dining alone. Took Lisette, one of her friends, and Ben to the disco which had this stupid 50’s sock hop. Tried to dance with Lisette who didn’t want to. Noticed that not all girls who don’t speak my language are perfect. Played Bingo and got pissed off for paying $50 on a Bingo card and losing (hehe 50 pesos which is 5 dollars). Left disco. Walked around aimlessly outside hotel, kissed Lisette goodnight, and went back to room. (No stimulating Showtime shows, just Pokemon in Spanish U_U)
December 31: Decided I’d better start working on my 25-PAGE ESSAY so I had a quick breakfast, trying to avoid Lisette so awkward multi-lingual silence would not ensue and got to work in hotel room. Didn’t get much work done as I fell asleep for a few hours. Signed up for internet use which was booked up until today. Went to Paradise Plaza for “Italian” dinner with family. Head chef who moonlights as a diva annoyed us. Laughed at people who payed $99 USD for New Years Celebration on the beach as we sat outside it and watched. Saw fireworks all along the coast. Flipped 2001 off and went to sleep.
January 1: Spent another day trying to work on my essay, ending up getting really far on Golden Sun. Worked some more. Went swimming for a while, trying to dodge Lisette again. (Yes, I’m mean, but it’s for her and my own good.) Went to Paradise Plaza with family again, to the “Brasil” steakhouse, where we had “all you can eat meat.” They kept piling on different types of really good meat. Went through about 20 courses. Hella good. Seriously. Went to sleep.
So, as you can see, the vacation was really amazingly good until I tried getting some work done. It was much better than I expected it to be, since all I knew about my Winter Vacation plans was that I was “going to Mexico.” I’ll be back home in a day or two, where I’ll have to hussle like hell to get my essay done, and my comic back up to speed. Bye for now.