Being human is kinda hard sometimes.
Something I know about myself is that I’m a lot less emotional and more introverted than a lot of people I know. In social settings I isolate myself and it’s fine by me. I enjoy spending time by myself, going places and seeing sights by myself, playing video games by myself, doing stuff on the computer by myself. Some might call this long-term depression. I just call it my personality. Certainly, it might change, but it’s the way I am and I’m mighty fine with it.
My problem, though, is both nature- and nurture-related: I’m constantly surrounded by beautiful women and not short of chances to get to know them better. Consciously, though, I know I do not want a relationship. Logically, I am 100% certain that I do not want a relationship. Emotionally, I’m usually fine without intimate contact – a whole bunch more than anyone else I know. Physically…
But despite the fact that I am in a state where I’m constantly creating and being productive, and despite the fact that my schedule is filled and I’ve always got a neatly-arranged schedule in which I use my time wisely, there are always the times where I envy those who have constant physical contact with others. Emotional, not so much. I have good friends, I talk with them when they’re around, and otherwise, like I said, I’m totally fine by myself. But it’s the physical contact that I miss. Pretty chauvinistic, ain’t it? Fortunately – *TMI alert* – I can “take care” of myself just fine. So that’s where that need’s taken care of.
But what I think keeps making me think about those in relationships, and having some sort of nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I should be in a relationship, despite all logic that says otherwise, is human culture/nature (quite intertwined). Because our goal in life is to reproduce, society applauds couples. They’re lauded, they’re gossiped-about, it’s the wholesome goal of any young lad or lass. So it’s not any sort of depression or self-doubt that I feel about not being in a relationship – it’s the self-consciousness that I get from the fact that I’m not fitting into a societal norm.
I tried stepping out of my comfort zone and tried to have a relationship with an emotional, extroverted person, which, while educational, resulted in me feeling burned-out, uncreative, disparate, and often quite angry. The physical and emotional upsides were clearly not worth it. While I’m sure this sounds completely strange to you who are reading this, and I’m being looked upon as someone who hasn’t realized the beauty of relationships and how wonderful they can be, and, like everyone, I have a human urge to be a reproductive organism, I’d just like to say that I feel fine the way I am, I’m living a full life, and just because I fill my time with creativity and productivity instead of other people does not mean that I am even close to any sort of state of despair.
edit: I want to sort of append to what I’ve said about craving physical contact – that’s really all it is, a craving. Sex can be great, but I’m not all too crazy about it. Like I’ve already disclaimed, it could be past experience that has made me not so eager. Here’s the totally surprising part – I’ve even passed it up in the past for other things that I’ve found more exciting! Shock!
edit: What I’ve found makes a lot of people doubtful of those whose stuff they’re reading is the level of self-consciousness in the work. I wish there was some way to say that constantly psychologically analyzing and challenging myself isn’t a flaw or a bad thing to do, but that’d be more self-conscious than constantly editing a post for clarifications. Oh whoops
you can be creative, productive and fill your life with people.
Right, but I don’t want to.
I wonder how much of the human inclination to be in a couple is because of reproductive needs and how much is because as a society we’ve limited the most intimate human bonding to 1 on 1 relationships. Which, I suppose, could in and of itself be a result of mating instinct.
Tie all that in with the fact that humans tend to have difficulty truely separating themselves from their relationship-type condition for a truely objective analysis of the truth and you have a serious problem figuring anything out. Truely!
Indeed. Breaking up is hard to do simply because some goddamn stupid voice in your head is saying “BUT OH YOU’LL MISS SUCH AND SUCH! STAY MISERABLE!”
Here is a label if you want
Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed “loners.”
Re: Here is a label if you want
Yeah, it’s a good description. Of course since I don’t see myself fitting that 100% (humorless? nah) I just won’t go by this specific label.
Re: Here is a label if you want
I love House.
Differential Diagnosis
Delusional Disorder; Schizophrenia; and Mood Disorder With Psychotic Features; Autistic Disorder; Asperger’s Disorder; Personality Change Due to a General Medical Condition; symptoms that may develop in association with chronic substance use; Schizotypal Personality Disorder; Paranoid Personality Disorder; Avoidant Personality Disorder; Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
Yeah, I can partially relate.. I spent about the past half year … well, subtracting this last month or two, without any form of a relationship, or without cravings or even thoughts about relationships. It’s because I had so much other stuff to do and think about. It wasn’t until I started dragging myself back into the teenage(and all ages, for that matter)-pressure-mindset of it being a really neccessary thing that it’s started to get to me again, and the result (along with some excitement and fun) is pretty much ultimately sadness and heartbreak :(.
you just need to meet the right one…
yeah, the right one. the one that would be your best friend if you didn’t want to be closer than that. the one that is truly capable of loving you.
the one who you’re attracted to completely. not just physically, and not just personality, but both, and everything else. the one who you’re able to step away from and be like “you know what? i guess i really do like this person. it’s not just a silly crush, but i would like to get to know her better. if nothing happens, that’s fine too. this is the type of person that i would like to be ‘just friends’ with if nothing romantic happens.”
this is 12 days late, so sorry for the clogging of the inboxes.
in addition to what pointed out, you even said:
I tried stepping out of my comfort zone and tried to have a relationship with an emotional, extroverted person, which, while educational, resulted in me feeling burned-out, uncreative, disparate, and often quite angry.
you need someone more like yourself. complete opposites (emotional, extroverted with your admittedly non-emotional, introverted) do lead to some interesting things but can also create a huge conflict of interest.
it’s definitely more likely to be a close friend that you’d hit it off with as opposed to some random from your school/area.
but you are right, relationships =/= necessity
Physically-goodness is a way to express love between people. So, without the love part, you’re not really missing much in the way of sex. Hurrah for someone who realizes that sex by itself is like a sandwich with no bread. (Coming from someone who’s allergic to wheat, and who’s tried a breadless sandwich… ick. :))
Perhaps when you fall* in love with someone, and explore the lovey-dovey goodness, you’ll enjoy it. Until then, avoid the meaningless campus relationships kthx bye.
~Stev