{"id":317,"date":"2002-04-30T18:57:00","date_gmt":"2002-04-30T18:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jeffreyatw.wordpress.com\/2002\/04\/30\/317\/"},"modified":"2002-04-30T18:57:00","modified_gmt":"2002-04-30T18:57:00","slug":"317","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/2002\/04\/317\/","title":{"rendered":"Untitled"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I shouldn&#8217;t be laughing at this, but it&#8217;s time for <i>Mario is Stoned<\/i>&#8216;s<\/p>\n<p><big><big><b>MISSING CHILDREN PHOTO EXTRAVAGANZA<sup>TM<\/sup>!<\/b><\/big><\/big><br \/>This is where I find pictures of kids on the internet that have been gone for 5 or more years. Using the FASCINATING technology of &#8220;age-progressed photos,&#8221; the police have released photos of what the kids probably look like now. This method involves taking the head of some older kid and putting the missing kid&#8217;s face on it. By the way, you may be very offended by this cruel form of, uh, cruelness, so why don&#8217;t you start off at <a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.somethingawful.com\/cliff\/ihateyou\/\">Cliff Yablonski<\/a> or <a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com\">Fat Chicks in Party Hats<\/a> to laugh at people who are actually safe at home eating their asses off. <\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s look at <a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.doj.state.wi.us\/missingkids\/\">Wisconsin&#8217;s current list<\/a>.<br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.doj.state.wi.us\/missingkids\/unidetified_post.htm\">Good face reconstruction&#8230; FOR ME TO POOP ON<\/a><br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.doj.state.wi.us\/missingkids\/janedoe_post.htm\">Um, although she&#8217;s DEAD, she might or might not be wearing glasses.<\/a><br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.doj.state.wi.us\/missingkids\/tracy_post.htm\">It&#8217;s MISPLACED FACE ON NEAR-BALD HEAD GIRL FROM &#8220;GEEN BAY!&#8221;<\/a><br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.doj.state.wi.us\/missingkids\/mayotte_post.htm\">Anyone with the same dopey hairstyle and goofy grin should be questioned immediately.<\/a><br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.doj.state.wi.us\/missingkids\/bushland_post.htm\">I&#8217;ve already run out of snappy comments.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>And now for <a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.missingkids.com\">MissingKids.com<\/a>&#8230;<br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.missingkids.com\/cgi-bin\/dbmlparser.exe?DBMLFILE=detail.dbml&amp;casenumber=738392&amp;sequencenumber=1&amp;language=1&amp;mytype=child&amp;language=1&amp;orgcode=1\">Aheha. I think the eyes were taken from the Microsoft Clip Art Gallery.<\/a><br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.missingkids.com\/cgi-bin\/dbmlparser.exe?DBMLFILE=detail.dbml&amp;casenumber=600552&amp;sequencenumber=1&amp;language=1&amp;mytype=child&amp;language=1&amp;orgcode=1\">DON&#8217;T STARE INTO THE EYES<\/a><br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.missingkids.com\/cgi-bin\/dbmlparser.exe?DBMLFILE=detail.dbml&amp;casenumber=898068&amp;sequencenumber=1&amp;language=1&amp;mytype=child&amp;language=1&amp;orgcode=1\">Which<\/a> <a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.missingkids.com\/cgi-bin\/dbmlparser.exe?DBMLFILE=detail.dbml&amp;casenumber=898068&amp;sequencenumber=2&amp;language=1&amp;mytype=child&amp;language=1&amp;orgcode=1\">one<\/a> would look more like Margaret Thatcher with any more progression?<br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.missingkids.com\/cgi-bin\/dbmlparser.exe?DBMLFILE=detail.dbml&amp;casenumber=801268&amp;sequencenumber=1&amp;language=1&amp;mytype=child&amp;language=1&amp;orgcode=1\">I wonder what &#8220;give up&#8221; means.<\/a><br \/><a HREF=\"http:\/\/www.missingkids.com\/cgi-bin\/dbmlparser.exe?DBMLFILE=detail.dbml&amp;casenumber=USAR441c1&amp;sequencenumber=1&amp;language=1&amp;mytype=child&amp;language=1&amp;orgcode=120\">She&#8217;s not age-progressed, but either way she&#8217;s the most pleasing to look at.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>I should have planned this better. I&#8217;ve already run out of really good photos, but those terribly done jobs should tide you over for a while (except for that last one, which should tide you over for a while anyway).<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;God, I&#8217;m an awful person.<\/p>\n<p>Oh, by the way &#8211; this is a note for James &#8211; I found a DDR machine on fourth street it&#8217;s in the wonderfully titled &#8220;SPACE PORT 1 THAT IS RAD TO THE MAX&#8221;&#8230; or something. Believe it or not, it was established in the 80&#8217;s. But, I can see the DDR machine from the street, but I don&#8217;t know how much it costs because my dad won&#8217;t let me play it until I get better grades (uh, okay). But it&#8217;s THERE! You don&#8217;t have to ask for directions, because I&#8217;ll post the obscure directions here for no one but you to understand!<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s on the opposite side of the street from Bananas At Large. It&#8217;s really close to Pier 6 Chinese Food, where we ate. Um, if you don&#8217;t know where either of those are, it&#8217;s on the opposite side from Double Rainbow, and WAY up the street. Just look for a dumb name and stupid paintings of spaceships out front.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I shouldn&#8217;t be laughing at this, but it&#8217;s time for Mario is Stoned&#8216;s MISSING CHILDREN PHOTO EXTRAVAGANZATM!This is where I find pictures of kids on the internet that have been gone for 5 or more years. Using the FASCINATING technology of &#8220;age-progressed photos,&#8221; the police have released photos of what the kids probably look like&hellip; <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/2002\/04\/317\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Untitled<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=317"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jeffreyatw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}